Warning – Your Unexamined Relationship Is a Deadly Virus
August 23, 2017
Think of your relationships as cells roaming around in your body. When you are giving them good food and exercise, they do well and can fight off disease. But when you take those cells for granted and stop taking care of them, they become susceptible to all sorts of free radicals that can cause damage to your good cells, and through the falling of the dominos this can lead to disease and deadly viruses.
When was the last time you looked at your relationships?
All of them?
Any of them?
One of them?
On the subject of romantic relationships, I personally am not sure how I feel about them. I can’t say I have ever had a lot of personal success with them. I do single really well, so I am not coming from a place of a person who is in love with the idea of true love. I mean it would be nice if it happened, but I am agnostic at best. I am not sure we are meant to pair up for life. Maybe some of us are, but mostly I think people settle a lot. I don’t always see people at their best in relationships, and lately I have had a boatload of people tell me that they are in good relationships, but if they could go back in time they wouldn’t do it because they don’t think it’s worth it.
Cinderella doesn’t really want to be with Prince Charming? That is not the fairy tale I was brought up with.
But I digress, that is not the point of this article. The point is, if people are going to take the time, and put in the effort of being with someone then:
I was talking to a couple about their relationship and relationships in general. They said something that blew my mind. They said that before embarking on this big move they made recently, they had a discussion about whether or not they were still in it together or if wanted to part ways. OMG. What a concept. I know it’s a simple thing, but how many people do you think actually have this conversation with their partner BEFORE a fight breaks out or divorce is imminent and they’re at a point of no return? They also told me that for one whole year they would tell each other every single day “I choose you” and mean it.
How many of you make that effort? I have to be honest and say I never did. It really got me thinking that we get into these relationships for long periods of time and just expect them to survive on their own. We come home, tired and bitchy and often at our worst, and so how much fuel do we have in our tanks to invest in our relationships?
We don’t expect to lose weight while ignoring our diet and eating French fries and pop, or to get fit by not working out, or to keep a job by not showing up to work. So why do we do it with our relationships? Why do we think they will just survive? Seriously, the amount of work that I am thinking is required makes me tired. Granted I bet the good times (and the sex!) are worth it and outweigh the bad times. But the work is ongoing. It’s like dusting. Never an end in sight.
At what point, do you start treating a relationship like a well-loved passion, a career you are dedicated to, a book you cannot put down? Do the conversations happen at the first date? After the first three months? Because let’s face it, the first three months don’t really count, anyone can fake it for three months. When you move in together? Engagement? Honeymoon? Pregnancy? Illness?
I am just writing about intimate relationships but you can look at your relationships with:
How much effort are you putting into nurturing those relationships? How much are you taking them for granted? How much do you really know about who they are as people and how you contribute to their happiness?
Today, go home, hug the person who matters most and say “I choose you”.
And mean it.